Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize