you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
