i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
