I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
