Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
