I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize