It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
