guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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