Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We left an ass print on the piano.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
