Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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