im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
