can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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