i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
