We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
