The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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