there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
