"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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