It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
