How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
