Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
