All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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