Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
