Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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