I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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