this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
