No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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