i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
