The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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