These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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