White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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