I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
