Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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