Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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