just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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