I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
