How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
