you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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