Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
