You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
