my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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