So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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