i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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