I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
