We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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