My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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