tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
