just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
