well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
