im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
