The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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