Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
