So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
