we have officially lost it.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
