so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
