Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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