I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
