my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
