We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
