In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize