So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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