Ketchup is God's man juice
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
