As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
