She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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