He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
